idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
