bring money and cleavage
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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