she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
