wakey wakey hands off snakey
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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