Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
