Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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