I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
