Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
