happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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