My hand turned me down
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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