i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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