i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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