i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
