Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
