I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
