Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
