so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
