After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
