I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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