Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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