this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
