There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
