My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
