if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
