I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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