why didn't you poke me back
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
even my farts smell like vagina
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
