I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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