Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
