I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
