i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
