What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
