I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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