the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
