Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize