At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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