OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
