Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
