did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
