Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
