The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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