so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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