True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
