Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
