Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
