I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she peed on how many people?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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