I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
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