Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
