I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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