that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
