things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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