it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
