Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is Oprah even human
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
