Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
